Today is the day that my Lord hung on a cross.
Mermaids Transgendered
Kool-aid Jonestown
Robots Pill
These are the things that float around in my head: Three of four hard corners. Was it all in preparation, or is this just a circle; could it be both?
It's early and over cast with clouds. Tonight is the revival at the tiny church in the village; I'm excited about being a part of it. The Lord will move there this weekend.
outgoing/\/\essage;;;
See you there
“Deep within himself, man knew something greater than himself was always with him and part of him, spurring him on to greater deeds, greater thoughts, greater aspirations. It was something out beyond himself, scarcely realised and never found; something, which told him that the radiance seen on the horizon but dimly reflected the hidden glory beyond it.” Excerpt From: Jenner, Greg. “Planet X and The Kolbrin Bible Connection.” iBooks. This material may be protected by copyright.
Check out this book on the iBookstore: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/planet-x-kolbrin-bible-connection/id436612541?mt=11
“Henceforth he would have dominion over God’s earthly estate, but he also had to unravel the Circles of Eternity, and his destiny was to be an everlasting seeking and striving.” Excerpt From: Jenner, Greg. “Planet X and The Kolbrin Bible Connection.” iBooks. This material may be protected by copyright.
Check out this book on the iBookstore: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/planet-x-kolbrin-bible-connection/id436612541?mt=11
“He has always remained dimly reflected in His creation. He became veiled from all that came forth from Him. Creation does not explain itself; under the Law, it cannot do so; its secrets have to be unravelled by the created.”
Excerpt From: Jenner, Greg. “Planet X and The Kolbrin Bible Connection.” iBooks. This material may be protected by copyright.
Check out this book on the iBookstore: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/planet-x-kolbrin-bible-connection/id436612541?mt=11
I'm sure that greasy food is not the best thing to eat in the world. In fact, every time I'm finished eating fast food I immediately regret it; The worst part is that now I have no time for a nap before my lunch break is over.
On the other hand, I wonder if I really do need this?
I don't think that I've ever known a time when I wasn't like this. Does depression constantly get worse as a person ages? What about whenever I'm an old man?
The thought of being an old man is depressing enough.
What if I walked out on my chance?
What if this is just another tactic from the government trying to keep down the people in my income level: leaving me addicted to yet another substance that I can't seem to let go of.
Tonight at church we did an illustration of asking for help. Everyone was blind folded, and in a square that was lined out by tables. They were told to find their way out, and if they needed help all they had to do was ask. After the "lost" tired from searching their blinded way out of the "maze", they asked for help, and the blindfold was removed.
I didn't participate; I facilitated it. The way it makes you feel whenever you have to present a message that you can't demonstrate yourself.
So, yes I understand the parallel, but...
outgoing/\/\essage;;;
how do I ask for help, Lord? One thing that I've come to understand about faith is that, Things are rarely what they seem, And there is more than just action required. But even if I were to do it so nonchalantly, The heartbeat of this message is to say, "Lord, I need you help!"
I wonder about the grand deception,
I wonder how much of what I'm doing is part of that. As a Christian the end times & the narrative of Revelations has always intrigued. Fear is often associated with it as well. I think it so because I worry that I won't make it in the end.
My most honest fear of taking antidepressants is that I'm submitting to the authority of the world, and that my reliance on drugs is the what will keep me unreliable on The Lord.
He is forgiving; he is understanding; but he is the ultimate judge & the only say in my eternity.
outgoing/\/\essage;;;
I do not know what to do. Or do I? I've still yet to finish the text. Are you concerned with my pedigree? Are you concerned with my artistry? My ship is at harbor, Along the shores of Saturn's rings. I'll wait for your reply, An anticipation fearful in its inquiry;
Tonight is the first night that I've taken my newest prescription, Cymbalta. The name reminds me of a warrior of some type. I spent the last two days not on any meds at all, and I was fine; however today as I woke up late for my appointment with Tim, I dreaded my visit to Dr. Lagrone's office. I thought about not going.
The peculiar thing is that Dr. Lagrone chose this antidepressant because it was what he had free samples of... As silly of an idea that is, I think it's just as silly for me to take the drugs knowing that.
I'm sure I've taken worse before; I'd hope so at least.
Tonight I watch "I, Robot" & "2010: the year we made contact". Both movies have a theme of technology gone wrong, creation turning against creator, and the consequences of human flaw. I wonder what parallels lie between that and the gospel.
I feel tired, but unable to sleep. I'm wiggly in my joints. I'm not sure how I feel about being medicated still. It's very scary to me
It's strange to find pictures like these at Doctor Lagrone's office.
Back in the summer of 2010, I started this blog. "This Intangible Existence," dressed in a classic serif font floating atop my brand new place to write.
At first I only wrote transcripts of my journals. Then followed formal essay type entries, and blurbs about pop culture. At that time I was primarily creating and writing in a more traditional since, e.g., wall hangings, journals, instant film, & discs. I tried earnestly to be an analog artist.
Despite my efforts, my artistic and spiritual journey has led me to a digital realm; it's a lot like the place inside of me from which all my work pours from.
With the burning of my books, which happened shortly before I began hosting my words in this space, it seems my work has taken a different highway towards the digital medium;
this intangible existence.
Today is my fifth day on the drug Viibryd. Today was the day that I knew this drug was bad [for me]. I broke down at work and had to leave. I called the doctor, and he said to stop taking the drug, and see him on Monday. I see Tim that morning also.
More sorrowing than the depression is the realization that I'm actually going crazy, and this is an attempt to take control before its too late. I don't know what that means exactly, but this is not what I expected my way out to look like.
A line runs through my mind that is parallel to that of People's Temple & Heaven's Gate; Am I in the line with the citizens if Jonestown, awaiting my glass of Kool-Aid handed to me by some American conspiracy to control the masses in a George Orwell novel?
Or-
Am I really sick, and is this the best decision that's I've ever made in parenting myself as an adult? Maybe I should move to Colorado, Washington, or California. Maybe I should run back to Jesus; these are all attempts to fix myself, and the truth is that I am not God.
A very sad day this has been [for me].
This is the third day that I'm on an antidepressant.I'm having to learn and adjust to this new way of living. Or is it new? I'm having to learn how to be creative in new way. I have to adapt to these surroundings. No more books, like there used to be.
"Greeting from America;" I thought to myself... Should I even think it at all? Would you or could you Really restore the years I've lost to the insects? I wouldn't be mad about it really. These words are new. These words are public. It's as if I'm forced to be Over Cheesy Over Redundant Over Easy
O CO ROC
THE MUSIC IS GROWING Do I see roots growing? Lord I see roots. Can we speak on such terms?
outgoing/\/\essage;;;
specimen shows sign of life underwater I still haven't read the assigned text Alien cohabitant is still close vasinity I've begun reciting the message in a local gathering I hope you find it pleasing;;;vole't
I'm not sure what gets me the most about this whole thing: the fact that so many people died because of their faith, or that so many people died because of the shepherds that lead the to the slaughter.
The leaders offer themselves with the rest of their loyal & not so loyal followers.
I wonder how it felt to be the first person in Jonestown to give the S.O.S. note to the congressman. I wonder how Jim Jones felt when the congressman told him he was taken part of his fold.
I wonder what it felt like to be in the line waiting for you serving of a refreshing glass of Kool-aid red death, and thinking to yourself--"I've got to get out of this line... Now!" However, you never make it, and instead you follow the line with the rest of the peers your first walked in with; all toasting to yours and their death.
I think it's a peculiar thing; this happening was an act of faith. I'm sure that there were some people there who actually didn't want to drink the notorious "kool-aid", but I honestly believe out of the 900+ people who drank to their death toasted before their consumption. This is about those people:
This is more than an act of protest. This is more than a revolutionary convincing a heard of sheep that this is what is best for you. This is an act of faith; this is an attempt to make the intangible tangible. They believed that this would save them. They died the way they chose to die.
I'm not sure how I would respond to my own belief system if suddenly there was a change in the itinerary that would bring me to a place like this: martyrdom.
This is a big step to take. For more on this happening please click HERE or HERE.