obsessions with death

About three days ago I discovered that there was a lump under my armpit. Since then my brain has taken me into a million different processes of how the lump originated. There is the cancer theory, benign cyst, and my dad's favorite--AIDS. 2014 is the year of realizations; last night as I was laying in bed an overwhelming anxiety came over me about death.  It was as if I kept trying to psych myself into the "non-reality" of my mortality. I'm afraid that death will be painful--a wasting away from liver failure, lung cancer, or my dad's favorite--AIDS. But death could also be quick and momentous; a brisk Sunday drive horribly gone wrong, or brain aneurysm stopping me in my tracks.

With that I'm brought to thoughts of legacy, purpose, and performance. If I were to die within the next few moments. What would be left of me?: A website that is loaded with disinformation to promote a perception of myself that may be inaccurate in response to the entire narrative-- Or hours of mediocre piano ramblings.


noun \ˈle-gə-sē\

: something (such as property or money) that is received from someone who has died

: something that happened in the past or that comes from someone in the past