I find myself thinking about my nameless love. Over the weekend I went through, and removed his name from most of my writings. His earthly self wouldn't want his name propagated as I have been publishing. Not that I have such horrible dirt on my forbidden lover, but he was my forbidden lover none the less.
I miss him this morning, not in the since of lovers, but something else. The homosexual condition is something much more than just two men falling in "love". The reality of the situation is that, for me, "love" has typically been the furthest thing from what is going on in these relationships. Codependency is probably the best way refer to it all.
Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.
nameless and myself were extremely codependent on each other. We noted this problem in our relationship far before we started to have sex or go beyond standard nonsexual male on male interaction, and because of that--in early 2012--we separated as to move on with our lives; however, my addiction remained on the hunt, and wanted him alone.
Today makes three weeks that I learned of his blunder.