nameless; Grief

What do you do whenever the person you've invested so much into is all of a sudden gone? I miss him so much right now. I'm tired of being human. I'm tired of dealing with loss and imperfection. I can't get him off of my mind. The scary thing is that I fear he'll be on my mind for the rest of my life: like some distant echo of a forbidden love that was never cut out to make it. I'm so angry right now; I just want to lay on the ground, kick my feet, and scream. As toxic of a situation it was, I loved him, and I sacrificed a lot to maintain our relationship as long as I could.