"Whale Oil Beef Hooked." And so I was last night. Falling to my own wants and sins. This was well shaped, Latino, and similarly to nameless. Really that's what I'm looking for; a body that is reminiscent of Nameless; It's a fleeting search. There is usually one or two variables that are off, and it all comes down to the fact that no one else is him.
It's me trying to recreate a deadly concoction that is ultimately lethal upon contact. I learned this lesson last year. Using sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll as conduits for spells and enchantments--ordering principalities and calling on the darkness. It's a shameful act; Something that I didn't even think could happen, or was real. But I believed enough that I'm left guilty, or that my hands are stained red.
Why is this something that I think is worth talking about on such a public form?
Am I seeking approval? Am I boasting? Am I discontent? Is this a moment to protect? Is this kind?
Along with becoming more aware of my own depravity, I'm coming to understand that the information that I make available on these types of outlets may not be helpful to other people's perspective, but even more so, my own perspective of myself.
I'm called to wonder what my life has amounted to over the past five months. It seemed that in the time that I was still with Nameless; that all I wanted to do was please the Lord. I was seeking His way out of the mess that had become of my life, but since Nameless; died I've been in a kamikaze tale spin of sorts.
What have I done for the kingdom? In asking myself this publicly does that mean that I'm really aware of my own debauchery. Words are only words unless they are backed by the actions of an individual. As if this confession is worthy of forgiveness from a deity.