I was working at a fabrication yard in South Louisiana, and making my first attempts to fulfill the pledge I made during the writing of BluePrint. It was an environment of Men; I knew only few people, so as a self loathing homosexual, insecure in himself, and had recently obtained sobriety from mild drugs needless to say I was an emotional wreck. I found, however, that in such a wreckage is where one truly finds Jehovah.
It had been a few months more or less of a year that I had completed BluePrint, and I wanted to continue writing. I needed the emotional and expressive release that is the creative process due to my situation, but I was finding it hard to obtain because I had two dilemmas: “How does one properly and expansively follow BluePrint” and my dear ol’ friend writer’s block was spending the night--indefinitely.
As I often describe it, “Constellation BluePrint” was a complex conversation between God and I about many thing: the fate of my music and His involvement in my writing, the questionability of the validity of His son Jesus Christ, the ideology of apocalyptic myth, and--most notably--my almost compulsive decision to separate myself from the Gay culture and said lifestyle.
The bulk of this communication can be found in the musical suite “DreamCast & SolarFlare.” On a night that I was beautifully inebriated, God seemed to step in with a ten minute flood of improvised inspiration. I had no intention of this piece becoming anything more than what it was, however, I soon found that what I thought was a musical interlude, was actually part of a much larger structure. It was then that I entered the atmosphere of the song “Ode to MARS” or “Mars,” and began to write the next chapter of my anthology protractively titled, “A Piscean Transcendence Through the Martian Battle Front.”
Soon after that, the map that was “Constellation BluePrint” led me to find many of the other songs--planets as I came to call them--that were orbiting in the same solar system in which I was currently residing. In the depression of my uncomfortable work environment I would often find myself in a garb of safety glasses, ear plugs, and multiple layers of work clothes drilling holes in metal, tacking off hand rails, and grinding away the slag of freshly cut hot steal. The songs would play over and over in my head, being the only release I had during the lesson of endurance that my Creator was teaching me.
In early 2009 and In the middle of this writing, I moved to Texas. With a change of scenery and new outlook on my life, I began to be released from the depression that had set in. The songs I had written did not seem to reflect my current situation on the opposite end of a dismal existence; I felt separated from the music. After the “new” had worn off, however, I discovered what lied along the outer circumference of the planetary system: songs like “Cadence” and “Where I’ve Been.”
Finding the last fragments of the complete work meant that the refinement process would inevitably follow. I stayed in refinement for roughly over a year. This was difficult because--unlike BluePrint--These songs would not find themselves in such a stagnant recorded state, despite my effort to lay them down. The songs that did find themselves recorded were rough interpretations that were logged long before the refinement: flimsy intonation, jumbled melodies, and clipped layering. I never quite became confident in what was made, and I lost motivation.
This past December, as the war and turmoil of what seemed to be a failed work died down, I ended “A Piscean Transcendence Through the Martian Battle Front,” and closed the most dramatic era of my writings to date. It was then that I longed for writing again.
I can confidently say on this night, that, despite my uncertainty, I have come into the next phase of my writings, and with that said, I feel as though it is only right that I submit to the reader the music that was recorded. It is a proper closing and the only testament to the work. In hindsight It has become clear that this ending was not just the end of a chapter, but also to an even much larger work: an epilog, if you will, bringing a complete conversation full circle.
I’m thankful to the Father and Christ for for this lingering long awaited conclusion, and allowing such a work to be presented to the masses.
"Constellation BluePrint" and "A Piscean Transcendence Through the Martian Battle Front" are available DownloadFREE. Click the cover art along the side of the page or within the blog for further information.
**All songs available through "This Intangebel Exsistance" and www.Purevolume.com/terrellbrinlee are all written recorded by Terrell Brinlee, other than "9/11 tribute"