Satan's Whites and Yolk

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I feel like many things have happened in the last couple of weeks. Previously I left off saying that, "tomorrow will yield different answers..." or something like that.

Maybe I know exactly why I feel so different, but maybe I don't. 

The most interesting of all things that I would like to talk about this evening is my venture with New Caney First Baptist Church. One night as Miryam and I were leaving the worst Walmart in the history of Walmarts, she pointed out to me that NCFBC had on their sign they were looking for a pianist. I called them immediately and left my information on their voicemail. 

I met with them about a week later where I demonstrated my abilities and learned of their beliefs & mission. We left each other with the intent to ask the Lord of the venture. 

I started to become incredibly excited about the idea, but I needed to speak with my church leadership before I made such a dramatic switch. It was important for me to do something like this with their blessing in hand. As a young musician, I was groomed to be a pianist for the Baptist church. The idea that my calling would finally assume the structure of and old church, a Yamaha grand piano with a deep, dark crimson shimmer finish, and a repertoire of sacred music from my theological heritage... was astounding. 

I had arrived.

After gleaning from my leadership's advise, I took to fasting for a about two days to hear from the Lord. Like anytime that I've ever demanded an answer from the Lord, he didn't answer me, so I headed the wisdom of my leaders

I declined the position. 

Though I mentioned that the Lord didn't answer my direct questions about the circumstances, he didn't seem to be silent. I feel as though he took the opportunity to talk to me about weightier matters: matters of repentance, righteousness, and response to his call. Through this, I learned not to be swayed so easily to a different path whenever my circumstances seem to perfectly point in a certain direction. 

The irony that presented itself in the following week or so would be the bright red bulbous maraschino cherry on the top of cone of cookies and cream ice cream at Juck and Banet's house. Miryam pointed the sign out to me a second time...

 "Busy Being Under Satan's Yoke"

"Busy Being Under Satan's Yoke"

I suppose that "typo prophesy" is a "type of prophesy".

Suddenly, I knew I made the right decision. 

... and wrap you in rings.

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Saturn has been part of the visual aesthetic in my art since my earliest recollections. But there comes a point when you have to start questioning why it's there in the first place.

A few years ago, whenever I was putting together the set for Bulbs, I started coming across a conspiracy theory about Saturn and it's relationship with occult symbolism. It was enough then to urge a change in titling of one of the songs in the set. More recently these fringe internet theories have become more detailed in their assumptions of Saturnian symbolism. Most of the information lacks good references or the resources available are questionable themselves. The things that I'm hearing are accusatory and pointed.

I clutch my left forearm with a renewed sense of regret and shame.

I don't have much to really say about it all. In the least it's a reminder that regardless if you dig something up, there can always remain pieces of roots in the dirt that will sprout up in the first snow of the year. Sanctification is a long process that slowly peels back layers of yourself, and shows the debauchery hiding in the sulcus of the heart.